The antics seen from the taxi rank are almost never ending. On Thursday nights we get quite a few of Her Majestys faithful, the best of the best, the one and only Royal Marines. Now, I take my hat of to these lads for the job they do and the way they do it with skill and determination. Their training is the best and they work hard….and play hard BUT they join the ranks of the many when a few ‘bevies’ are involved and their normally disciplined brain goes AWOL for the night. ( Not that I can blame them after a tour in Afghanistan )
There is a building opposite our rank that has been faced to look like large blocks of stone with about 1 inch wide and ¾ inch deep mortar joints. It also has a fixed canopy about 15 feet above the pavement and around this canopy there are hung some very pretty flower baskets.
The scene is set. Enter stage left three not so sober Royals who take in the view and decide their military accommodation could do with brightening up and a flower basket or two would do the job perfectly. Now, 15 feet is quite high when sober but 15 feet when drunk is way too high to comprehend so we need tactics to get the prize.
A pyramid is the first obvious choice, so two stand firm while the biggest and heaviest tries to climb the ‘twin rocks’ that can’t stand still, but perseverance will win the day.
Doing a ‘Robert Bruce’ (of try, try, again fame ) gets the biggest on the ground more than once until the ‘officer in charge’ realises that the biggest should be at the bottom so with military precision the pyramid is reconstructed.
The smallest now tries to climb the biggest helped and supported by the ‘officer in charge’ but with the same result ……. 15 feet when viewed from the pavement surface MUST seem impossible but that’s not in the marine vocabulary. Keep trying lads, Britain needs men with determination.
Repeated and various assaults on the enemy encampment ensue for a further 5 minutes but all are a total disaster due to the excessive quantity of amber liquid seizing the trio’s gyros and unseen forces moving the pavement back and forth, a well known enemy tactic.
The flower baskets can breathe a sigh of relief and relax, they’re out of the danger zone.
A brief NAAFI break is called by the ‘officer in charge’ and a ‘reccie’ of the enemy lines reveals that the baskets are not afraid any longer and still out of reach. One Royal suggests that the mission be aborted and the R&R continued to the night club. His fellow soldiers disagree vehemently and he is berated for cowardice in the face of the enemy. The objective MUST be captured and live prisoners returned to the company headquarters for decorative purposes. A new plan of attack must be formed and the skills of each company member noted and put to use. That was why they attended the many courses on warfare.
“One pace forward all those who completed the mountain assault course.”
“ I, sir, will scale the wall and capture the enemy stronghold.”
The smallest Royal then proceeds to ‘rock climb’ the building using the tips of his fingers and toes in the mortar grooves….and I must admit I was impressed along with the other taxi drivers.
Whilst all this was happening and we were enjoying our free stage act for the night, the CCTV camera had picked up the military manoeuvres and despatched a police car to the scene. The ‘mountaineer’ was doing fine and the flower baskets were now worried as he came within reach of the nearest.
With great strength the climber reached out and unhooked his prize and passed it down to his awaiting ‘officer in charge’ who received it with reverence, placed it at his feet, and congratulated the climber as he descended to the pavement.
We were all impressed and applauded. As the Royals attention was focused on the climb, they never noticed the two police officers get out and stand behind them.
Now came the startled expletives as they turned and saw the police and reality sunk in….. “we’re now in the s**t, big time.”
Police officers have a sense of humour too…even they applauded…then gave the ultimatum…. climb back up and replace the basket or pay a visit to the station.
Try as he might, the climber could not repeat his first performance and neither could any other company members.
Climbing under fire is one thing but climbing under police officers gaze is obviously more stressing.
And so our evenings entertainment ended. The objective had been achieved and prisoners taken but only to be rescued by superior forces. The whole company was then over run by two police officers and taken prisoner. The flower basket was placed in the police car along with our brave soldiers and escorted to the station where no doubt they were reported to their RSM who would deal a worse punishment than having them charged etc. Mind you…the climb of the building was good….nice to know our tax money trains these men to a high standard and that done in the right context would be sooooo impressive!
As much as I would like to watch these antics all night, every night, I have to earn some cash to keep Mr Brown happy. As well as driving I do some Internet Marketing as not every night is this pleasant. If you are in the same position I recommend you give it a try….what have you got to loose?? Internet Marketing is not easy BUT it is possible to subsidise your earnings and cut down on the driving hours.
It makes it a lot easier if you follow a team and learn from the experts.
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