Every 6 to 8 weeks we get one of those nights. You know the type I mean? Those nights when there seems to be nothing but drunken 20 to 25 year olds with extremely loud mouths and a strange sense of humour that only another drunk person can understand and find funny. For instance, as I arrived on the rank, I had no sooner switched off the engine when a ‘nice young man’ (note the inverted commas) approached my window and said “I smell something funny. Is your wizz bang burning?” to which his friends burst out laughing and wandered to the next taxi to repeat the same, more than once, over and over to each driver along the rank. Each time this was said the laughing friends laughed even more. Maybe it’s me but I find that kind of strange and sad. Still, at least they were not abusive…..yet.
The night brightened up when a some-what inebriated man tried to cycle. Now we all know how hard it is to balance when drunk and cycling does require a certain degree of balancing skill. Getting one leg over the saddle proved difficult enough and should have given the rider a good clue as to how hard it was about to become. To move off requires one leg to push forward whilst the other leg pushes the pedal at the same time thus propelling you into motion. What you MUST NOT do is just lift the forward pushing leg off the ground, without pushing, then think about peddling….this system is bound to fail. With both legs off the ground and on the pedals BUT no forward motion the inevitable happens….the slow motion fall, sideways, in a sitting position with both hands on the handle bars….only to be seen to be believed.
Picking himself up he tried a further 3 or 4 times only to gain a few meters then giving up before serious injury was sustained. Muttering to himself he was last seen pushing the cycle in a wavering line along the main road totally oblivious to traffic. Maybe tonight might not be too bad!!
Time passes normally, fares come and go and then there is always someone who has to ruin things.
Beside our rank is the town war memorial which is surrounded by well kept flower beds and when in bloom can be a very pleasant area. Enter the mindless drunk who, for reasons only he could know, started to pull up the flowers and throw them at anyone nearby. Flowers with large root clumps and soil were thrown everywhere and anyone who complained about his actions received abuse and threats. Oh! the glory of CCTV.
His brain-dead antics where soon observed by the control centre and a police car arrived at which he hurled abuse and words to the effect that it would take more than one policeman to stop him. The police officer went to the rear of his vehicle and emerged with mans best friend and morons worst enemy……. a very large German Shepard. With dog on leash, he approached Mr Brain-dead who had now seen the dog and was becoming quieter. Another few shouts started the dog barking and that was enough for Mr. Brain-dead. As he was marched like a naughty child to the police van that had now arrived, the dog walked alongside flashing a tooth or two……I’ll swear it was smiling!!
While I mention our war memorial, I have noticed a total lack of respect in our younger generation. I have seen youths stand on the memorial steps and urinate onto the plaques that list the names of local men that died in the wars…some could even be their relatives.
Bring back conscription!
And while I’m at it……Why do people ask you the fare, agree, open the door THEN STAND AND TALK? Don’t they realise that it is wasting my time and loosing me money? If you want a taxi….get in the bleeding thing!!
AND why do do they always want to eat their take away in the back seat? If I dropped food all over your sofa at home would you like it? You’ve gone all night without food so why hurry now………….LEAVE IT UNTIL YOU GET HOME!!……..I did hear from a bloke who went to bed with a kebab when drunk …..woken next morning by a very irate wife as the bed was covered in kebab meat and coleslaw. MORAL: Don’t eat in bed when drunk as you have no chance of staying awake long enough to eat !!!
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