A few more entrants for the Drunken Fool Of The Year award turned up this week just to make life interesting.
Two fellows, drunk as skunks, get in to go to E**ter so I take the fare up front (as I do for anything out of town) and away we go. They both fall asleep as soon as we start so I had a quiet journey but as we got into E**ter I asked where they wanted dropping off.
“Straight on ” says a voice, so along the road we go until the next junction.
“Which way now?” I ask.
“Straight on “says the voice.
Same again at the next two junctions so at the next I stop and ask again “Which way?” only this time I turn to watch the fools response.
“Straight on.” says the fool without even opening his eyes so my suspicions were confirmed…. I now have the Moron of the Month winner in the cab.
I go about another 100 yards, stop and shout “We’re here lads” to which they instantly become alive and get out.
“Where the f*ck are we?” says one, “Where’s home from here?”
(yes you got it)
“Straight on” says I …. and away I go.
One thing you learn in this job is to ‘read’ people.
Three boys aged about 18/20 get in but there is no eye contact and all three get in the rear seat … unusual.
“Bu**eigh please” says one.”How much is that?”
“Where in Bu**eigh?” I ask.
“Du*kes Road.”
“That will be about £12.”
“That’s fine.” he mumbles …. still no eye contact.
“Up front.” says I.
“What! You want the money first?”
“Yes please … out of town jobs pay up front just like the bus.”
“Ah. Well. Yes. We need to go to the cash machine in Bu**eigh first.”
“There is a cash machine just across the road. Why not go there?”
“Ah. Well. Maybe we will just get some money then.”
And out they get and go to another taxi, two cars down.
Out I get and signal the driver that they have no money … out they get only for this to be repeated again. If ever there was a ‘runner’ this was it!
Last job on Saturday turned out a good one. Young man gets in, very drunk.
“Ex**er please.”
“Where in Ex**er?”
“Anywhere in the city centre.”
“That will be £25 up front.”
“OK” he says and pays without a problem.
After a few minutes chat he falls silent and sleeps all the way there.
In the city centre I give him a nudge.
“We’re here mate.”
“Where are we and where’s my friend?”
“You got in on your own and we are in Ex**er centre.”
“I don’t want to be in Ex**er, I need to go home to Wil**nd.”
“You asked for Ex**er and here we are.”
“How much to take me to Wil**nd?”
“About another £35 from here …up front.”
“I’ll need a cash machine first.”
“There’s one down the road but hurry up as the meter’s running!”
Gets his money, pays another £40, gets in and promptly falls asleep again.
At Wil**nd I give him a nudge again, he takes me everywhere then eventually finds his house.
“Do I have any change?” he asks.
“You actually owe me as we have been all around the houses but I’ll call it quits.” (I’m nice like that when I want to be …. and as I’d taken all his money)
A reasonable fare into a great one to finish the night on!
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