Taxi Driver Abuse AND Internet Marketing
Go Hand In Hand
Why Learning About Internet Marketing Was A Wise Move
Having finished your night out why not abuse the taxi driver to make it complete….at least that’s what it seems like.
Picture this….you have just been out clubbing with your friends and have blown at least £50 on alcohol and another £10 on the compulsory kebab and cheesy chips(or pizza) and now, having had a great time, you want to go home. ….the ritual now begins!
You approach the taxi rank in what you think is a straight line and sensible state, leaving a slug-like trail of cheese, chips, coleslaw and kebab meat that would feed a small African village. Kerb stones prove to be a major hazard in your own little ‘assault course’ but with deep concentration you master the art of stepping up and down. The hard learned mastery of avoiding approaching vehicles while drunk now comes into play…..just keep walking and hope they can stop because you can’t. This ‘art form’ of accident avoidance has taken years of hard drinking to learn and shouting at the vehicles seems to help enormously.
You now see a police car approaching and the sight of this causes a mandatory reaction that you cannot stop happening.
You stop in the middle of the road, take up a defensive position with your kebab held in a threatening manner and mumble compliments like ‘Pigs’ and ‘Filth’.
You are now a Jedi of your road and none shall pass. You will fight to the death with your trusty kebab.
After a hard fought battle by yourself for at least one minute you concede defeat, drop some chips, bite your trusty kebab in defiance of superior forces and retreat forwards to the next obstacle….another kerb stone.
The taxi rank is now a reachable objective if only they would stop moving it further away.
Oh joy…just what you needed….some seagulls to chase….better still…be crafty and bait them with a chip held in an out stretched hand….they must come to you with such an irresistible offering and you can have one all to yourself.
Seagulls now prove to have superior intelligence than you and you are avoided like the plague. With temper rising because your ‘Trick’ didn’t work, it is now …‘The chase’ …….
Walking in your state is proving difficult, running will be almost impossible but CHASING is going to be something else. This is going to involve running AND turning at the same time, a new lesson to learn and “Learn the hard way you will “(said in Yoda’s voice).
The brain says “Run”…the majority of the body obeys but the feet seem to lag behind the command so you lurch forward at an angle of 60 degrees with the feet trying to catch up with the rest of you. Just to make it harder, you have to hold onto your trusty kebab and your cheesy chips while running, turning, shouting and swearing at an object that is fast and built for survival. The seagull moves left, your head and body turn left but the feet are still in their own time zone and carry on in a straight line meaning you are now doing ‘The Crab’ faster than the ears can keep up the job of balancing the body. The balancing mechanism now fails and you are in free fall but the feet have now gained momentum and increase speed to compensate the gyro failure. They go into ‘baby steps’ at an alarming rate to try to keep you upright and you look like an old music hall act on cocaine, but the inevitable happens and you take a dive.
The alcohol fuelled brain has lost it’s need for impact damage control but the ‘munchie’ side of your brain shouts ‘Save the kebab’ so all effort now goes into the task of keeping the food safe. Holding the kebab and chips high to avoid ground contact you plough face first into mother earth. Normal people would now think of injury but your main concern is ‘Did I save the food’. Unaware of pain or damage you check the food to no avail….. ….gone….gravity has won again and the trusty kebab lies broken and dirty in front of you with chips scattered all about.
“I NEED FOOD” shouts the ‘munchie’ side so now what are the alternatives? Buy more? Not a chance….there is nothing wrong with what is on the ground in front of you so with relish you repack the kebab with meat, coleslaw, grass, gravel and anything else that looks like it belongs in there. The chips are scooped into their box but the curry sauce has gone forever and the cheese is proving hard to pick up but perseverance allows for some to be saved as this is critical for life. Swearing at the cheese seems to help and the seagull deserves some verbal abuse as it was all it’s fault in the first place.
The seagull just awaits your departure then dines for free….why get wet looking for fish in the sea??
With the remnants of your meal in hand it is now time to resume the expedition to the taxi. Regaining you feet you see that they have moved the taxi rank yet again and you stagger in the general direction of the nearest taxi and approach the drivers window.
Now the fun part :
You (to taxi driver):”How mush to take me home?”
Driver:”Where do you live?”
You:”In Market Street” (replace Market Street with your address)
Driver:”About £6”
You:”How mush??? Your ‘aven a laff…would you do it for £3”
Driver:”No, it costs £6 and I don’t set the price”
You:”You f******, robbing b*****d (shouted), then in ‘pleasant’ voice, “ Would you do it for £4 ?” …..As if the situation has suddenly changed !!!
Driver:”No, I said it would cost £6 and I don’t see why I should work for less”
You now swear a lot more, drop more chips and kebab and shout “All you f*****g taxi drivers are w*****s” (this now being mumbled through an extra large mouthful of kebab whilst dribbling coleslaw into an ever increasing puddle on your shirt. (If mother could see you now)
Now comes ‘The Kick’…well, you would if you could stand on one leg, but kicking requires a certain amount of balancing skill and that has already proven to have failed you. (That’s also why babies don’t try…..they, along with the seagulls, now have superior intelligence than you ) The attempt to kick the side of the taxi fails and you end up back meeting mother earth in your puddle of cheese and chips yelling “Now look what you made me do”.
After even more swearing you eventually make it to your legs, tell the driver to “F*** O** I wouldn’t get in your taxi anyway” (much to the drivers relief)” stagger to the next taxi and it all starts again…and again….and again.
Ladies…don’t think this is a man thing….I’m afraid it’s 50/50….You might leave the house all lady-like but trust me…..YOU DO YOURSELF NO FAVOURS IN THIS STATE and trying ‘The Kick’ in high heels….now that sight makes it nearly all worthwhile !!!
In the sober light of day….would you put up with this in your place of work?? Would you take a cut in wages for an abusive total stranger?? You don’t argue with the barman over his drink prices SO WHY DO IT WITH THE TAXI?? Taxis are NOT part of the ‘Care in the community’ scheme. Please don’t pour your drunken friend onto the back seat and expect the driver to take him home….he’s YOUR friend, not the drivers.
Now, can you understand the link between taxi driving and Internet Marketing ?
I can work from home…no abuse…no drunks…no kebabs (eugh…the smell in a car !!) AND I can make more money with less work. The initial learning curve is steep but it comes together eventually. It is not a ‘Get Rich Quick’ scheme BUT you can make extra cash if you stick at it.
Click here to find one method that works.
Digg it StumbleUpon Facebook Twitter del.icio.us Google Yahoo!
